Parents
never used to read parenting books or worry about being "perfect
parents" raising "perfect kids."

They
loved their children and just did the best they could. They set limits,
disciplined when needed, lectured frequently and made kids earn their way in
the home and in life. They weren't afraid of letting their kids handle their
own boredom, disappointments, frustrations, battles and failures. They let
their kids grow up and out of their homes.

Parents
today could learn from these tough love lessons parents used to teach:

1.
Life is difficult. Life in our home won't always be easy. Learning how to
handle your bad days, disappointments and failures as well as your victories,
successes and celebrations is an important lesson.

2.
You won't like all of our decisions. We'll listen to you, but you will not
always get your way. You live in our home, and as long as you do, we promise
not to spoil you by treating you like parents who do! After all, as parents,
we'd rather be respected than liked.

3.
Parents aren't butlers or maids. For a family to go smoothly, everyone must
learn to contribute. You'll have chores until you leave home. If you work too
much to do your chores, a portion of your paycheck may be used to defray the
cost of making up for the chores you don't do. If you can get a better deal,
live there!

4.
Our money is not your money. We worked our way through school and careers to
earn the house, vacations and possessions we have. By learning what it means to
earn your own money and save for things you want, you'll be better prepared for
life. So, even when we can, don't expect us to buy you everything.

5.
If you are bored, that's your choice. It's not our job to schedule your life,
entertain you, rescue you from boredom or ensure your happiness. There's never
nothing to do; choose from the vast array of choices you've been blessed with
by just living in America.

6.
We support teachers, preachers and police officers. We won't automatically take
your side against people in authority. When a teacher says behave, behave. When
you treat those in authority with respect, most will do the same with you.
Outside of evidence of downright abuse, we'll side with responsible adults.
When a police officer stops you, pull over and be polite. If you get in trouble
as a result of your actions, blaming your friends won't work. You're
responsible for you, no matter what others do.

7.
Find your gifts and develop them to achieve realistic dreams. Not all dreams
are realistic. All the dreaming in the world won't make everyone soar like Kobe
Bryant. Life is about admitting your weaknesses, identifying your gifts,
working hard to develop those gifts and then finding a way to use your
strengths to make a living and a satisfying life. Don't settle for copying others.
We're looking forward to watching you use your unique gifts to achieve your own
dreams.

8.
True self-confidence is earned, not given. Some adults may flatter you for just
breathing. Even though we'll love you forever, we love you enough not to shower
you with empty praise. True optimism comes from a track record of hard work in
overcoming obstacles. Confidence comes from bouncing back from disappointments
on the way to achieving successes you can be proud of. We'll let you earn your
confidence the old-fashioned way — by hard work.

9.
Take your life seriously, but yourself lightly. Instead of viewing everything
as a crisis, learn to laugh a little. Someday, even your most embarrassing
moments are going to be great stories worth laughing about. Why wait? Learn to
laugh every day!

10.
Your father and mother know more than you think. Don't believe everything you
learn in school or see on television. Parents aren't stupid. Yes, you have a
mind and will increasingly be given more choices, but we have experience,
common sense and wisdom that we've earned on the way to becoming parents. Get
used to a few lectures. You may not listen now, but you'll appreciate many of
those lectures later in life.

Finally,
know that we love you more than anything in life. We love you enough to give
you limits, say no, discipline you, lecture you, hug you even when you don't
want to be seen with us, take you to church, ground you, send you to your room,
applaud your successes, hold you when you're hurt, and get even with you when we
get to be grandparents to your children.

—
Terry Paulson, of Agoura Hills, is a psychologist, speaker, author and host to
the PoliticalTalk Blog.